Tuesday, 13 November 2012

The Beginning

Today, looking in the mirror and noticing that dreaded visible undie line under my jeans, where it had never been before, I realised I needed to do something.

I feel the need to explain a little something about me. You see, 3 years ago I ended a 5 year relationship. Since I was about 16 until 3 years ago, I had sat at a healthy, fit 72kgs, right through to the end of the relationship.

If you asked anyone that knew us as a couple, it was the real thing, everyone saw we were happy, told us we were an inspiration to them, said they knew we would be the first of our group of friends to get married, buy a house, have children.

Then things changed. I started getting questioned on where I was going, who I was with, how long I was gone for, why I was going out. Soon, he was finding reasons to go with me, so I never got time alone with my friends. Over time, my friends disappeared. They didn't want to spend time with him, they wanted a girly night with me! Movies, alcohol, chocolate and gossip; things no group of ladies wants to share with a guy!

It took me over 6 months to realise that my friends circle had gotten smaller and smaller until it was practically non-existent. I didn't look forwards to coming home to him anymore, I didn't enjoy the time we spent together and I just felt smothered. Things turned south and it didn't take long for us to mutually decide to end things.

The next natural step was comfort. The few friends that I still had comforted me, offered me chocolate, alcohol, girls nights out at nice restaurants, you get the idea... After a 2 week holiday with a group of friends a few months after the break up, I realised my weight had ballooned by over 12kgs! I thought then and there that things had to change, I had to have better self control, better willpower. However, 3 years after our break up, nothing has changed except that I now go to boot camp twice a week. I haven't shifted any weight (except the brief time I was using Lite 'n Easy, which I put back on as soon as I stopped) as I thought "Hey, I did good, I have been exercising, time for a celebration" and out comes the block of chocolate or bowl of ice-cream.

Today, getting ready for work and looking at the only two pairs of pants that still fit me, then spotting that damn undie line, I knew I had to change. The only way for me to do that is to be held accountable. That means everything goes public. What I do in my week, how I exercise and what I eat. Please hold me accountable. Please question my decisions and please feel free to ask me "Why did you have the chocolate today!".

Boredom or stress is no excuse for me to do this to myself. I need to improve my lifestyle, to eat right and to exercise. Please help me on my journey!

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